Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Bear In The Woods

I'm sure I'm not the only man out there who regularly hears this first thing in the morning- "I had a weird dream last night". True to form, as a sensitive sort of guy, I cut the conversation quickly with the reply "That's Awesome" and then fart and get dressed.

I'm not a big dreamer myself. I entertain fantasies before I drift off, usually having to do with money or superpowers. But being a light sleeper, I usually don't spend enough time in the deep delta zone to allow those fantasies, and events of the day, to manifest themselves into the weird little melodramas to which my partner is so prone.

Last night was an exception.

I've been dealing with the aftermath of my father's death, which should be enough trauma for a person to handle. But when the matters of estate come to be dealt with, and there's no money to speak of, and one of the family members is causing issues for the rest, then the stress builds up and up until eventually, your subconscious screams at you.

So here's the basic description of the dream.

I'm not exactly me. I'm with a man not exactly my father. We're out in the woods, knee deep in a shallow lake, shooting at ducks. Dad is using a shotgun, but I'm unarmed. It's getting dark and a bear has appeared at the far end of the lake. We don't run away, as the bear is more or less unthreatening, but we call it a day and head back. My avatar's father drops his shotgun. The bear is starting across the shallow lake, and I tell him to leave the shotgun, as it gets carried away in the rapids.

We get back to the cabin, and suddenly the bear is very close. The bear is still not bellowing or threatening, but it IS a bear. We get inside, and my not-dad sits on a bench, recovering from the chill. I ask him where the pistol is, because I want to scare the bear off. He tells me it's in the kitchen.

"Where in the kitchen?" I ask.

"In the container. Put the pistol in the container" he says, confusedly.

I (or "I") go up to him and shake him a little. "Are you ok?" I ask, suddenly concerned. The bear is making no noise, but I can see shadows moving outside.

My not-father starts to shake very slightly, and he looks confused and in pain. He's having a stroke. His hair starts to go white, and his face changes.

My avatar falls asleep.

He (I) wake up later. It's dusk now. I go up to the father, and he's completely changed. More feeble, no teeth, a tad dishevelled. I shake him, and he responds.

"I had a stroke" he says.

I go to the window, and I can see no bear. I see my (real) cat, Hank, playing with a butterfly. I conclude that if the cat is around and playing, the bear must be gone. I go to collect my father, who needs help up.

"I'm going to take you to hospital" I say.

"I'm at about...one per cent" he admits.

"Do you recognize me?"

"Of course!" he says. "You're like a son to me!"

I stop cold. "No, I am your son".

He freezes, and looks confused and troubled. The dream ends.


SO.

As fans of The Sopranos, my partner and I feel qualified in making our own analysis. Who needs professionals when you have box-sets of DVDs?

1. The lake represents life and it's usual troubles (debt, career, relationships). We're in, but not up to our necks.

2. The bear represents imminent danger. But it's not being threatening, suggesting the real danger is from something familiar (I think my sub conscious is referring to someone in my family).

3. The shotgun represents my Dad's tools for dealing with life's troubles (financial solvency, physical fitness, wits). He's dropped them.

4. We head back to the cabin, and I can't find my own, less developed tools for dealing with life's troubles (the pistol). My dad can't help me find them, because he's lost his own, and death (the stroke) is taking him.

5. The threat (the bear) disappears, and it can't be determined if it was ever really a threat, because all it ever did was show itself- it never attacked.

6. The women in my life (represented by my cat), who are important to me, are safe and happy, and that tells me everything will be ok.

7. I've lost my father, in a profound way.

The dream hasn't told me anything I didn't already know or suspect, assuming the analysis my partner and I teased out is in any way relevant. I don't know what ducks, butterflies or cabins represent (something GAY, no doubt). I don't like the sad way it ended. I don't know why we were different people to our normal selves- we looked like two complete strangers, nothing like our real selves.

Anyone got any suggestions?