Sunday, July 13, 2014

Shill, thy name is Fist-O

It's been three years since I posted to this blog. In that time I've gone off writing a bit. concentrating Instead on silly stuff like, I dunno…my wife and kid. Ruby is 2 years old today, Monday July 14. It’s Bastille Day too. I don’t know what conclusion to draw other than that Ruby is French by sheer dint of how pretty she is. Pretty people are default French just like cats are girls and dogs are boys. I don’t make these rules.

I intend to get fully back into the swing of it. But as a father and husband and occasional beard haver, I will need to intersperse invective against markets and capitalism by engaging in…markets and capitalism. Oh yes, I will be posting paid reviews, or advocating certain brands.

FUCK'N HIPPOCRIT

N-N-Noo...like most cynics, I’m an idealist/fan with a patina made of disappointment. Scratch that patina and the soft undercarriage of my love for commerce shines through. Scratch it again and a metaphor drops out, like so many eggs from a carton…of eggs…

*KERSPLODE*

Metaphor Engine kersploded.

Anyway- My main criticism of the current state of ‘late capitalism’ as I’ve called it (by putting ‘ and ‘ on either side of the words) is the Foundations of Bullshit problem. Fundamentally, some goods and services are built on steel. No problem riding the big rig of my approval across these well made bridges-

*METAPHOR ENGINE ROARS TO LIFE*

 …especially when the makers will reimburse me with cash, goods or services.

SO!

Coming up in the next few weeks, I’ll be test driving Seagates 4TB media centre, giving an account of using Uber in Melbourne (from both a driver and passenger’s perspective) and who knows what else. I’m open for bwizness, to advocate any product that actually does what it says it’s going to do, without a catch.

But if it don’t work…then no love for me. Even with the risk of losing access to said cash, goods and services, I really can’t bear the thought of being wrong.

IF IT DOESN’T WORK FOR ADAM…then it ain’t worth buying. For I am a GROUCHY fucking consumer. I lose patience QUICK. And if a product causes me more “Oy.” Than Joy, I immediately discard it as a worthless waste of everyone’s time- particularly the poor sap engineer who just wants to make the nice people happy, before some bean counter/marketing dude comes in and either undercuts it, or oversells it.

oK, BACK TO WORK

Sorry, caps was on. Ok, back to work for now - stay tuned for several messages from our sponsors...