Bullshit Problems

I read an account recently of a man's battle with sex addiction. It was harrowing to read about this man's inability to modify behaviour that cost him his health, his friendships and relationships, and even his job. At the end of the article, there was a profound sense of sadness, as the post-rehab self-analysis brought with it feelings of worthlessness to the author, and a sense of time lost and never to be regained.

BUT! It was still bullshit.

I know pain is relative, and no amount of objective relativity ever helps to lessen the sorrow and suffering we're personally feeling, but I think it's unfortunate that we allow ourselves to BELIEVE that certain types of pain are ACTUALLY real. This goes back to my concern over the bullshit of the future, where we force ourselves to forget what is and isn't a temporary lie we tell ourselves to make sense of the world, and we start to build entire paradigms on shaky, untrue foundations.

As far as I can tell, there are only a few types of real problems in the world, problems that actually inhibit our ability to defend ourselves against further harm. They are

1. Physical pain, including violence and abuse
2. Disability
3. No food

That's it. Everything else is what my friend Mitch is fond of calling a "First World Problem".

I'm going to provide a handy-dandy primer to help differentiate between real and not real problems. And before you ask "Hey asshole! Who made you the judge of whether or not my pain is real?!?!" I'm going to suggest that if you have the time to read this, CAN read it and don't have anyone chasing you with an axe, you probably don't have too many real problems.

I'm addicted to sex _ Not a real problem.
I have no legs - real problem.

I forgot my lunch and will have to buy a sandwich - Not a real problem.
I have a parasite - real problem.

I'm spiritually bereft - Not a real problem.
I'm being raped *right now* - real problem

I lost my keys- Not a real problem.
My pancakes are possessed - real problem (providing that in your head, this is the way you conceive of the problem that you've lost your keys. If your pancakes are actually possessed, not a real problem).

By the way, if you allow yourself to believe that you have a problem with say, shopping too much, I hate you, and maybe think you're a problem.