Things I Like - Cats

I'm a cat person. I watched the latest episode of Futurama, "That Darn Katz!" in which it's suggested that cats are an alien species who came to earth for a nefarious reason. Played out idea, and lazy to pitch cats as a comedy device, but I felt like pitching some cat material all the same. because I'm lazy.


1. In a Coke vs. Pepsi battle, Dogs prefer Pepsi! Lame! And cats do not fucking care.

2. I get worried when using a laser pointer to bait my cat, because it might frustrate him or shine in his eyes. And if he knew I was worried, he'd think I was a pussy.

3. Cats are murderers, with none of this bullshit "malice aforethought". Cats have no aforethought.

4. You can hit a cat and feel bad about it, but that won't really matter to a cat. You know what matters to a cat? Food.

5. There's a legend that Muhammed cut the sleeve off his robe rather than disturb his cat who was dozing on it. When that cat woke up, on the sleeve of Muhammed's robe, it probably went right ahead and licked it's own asshole, patiently and with great care, like it did after any nap.

6. Cats are often cast in kids movies as villains in contrast to dogs. While dogs are very proud of this, cats have no opinion whatsoever. But don't think that's because cats would prefer independent films or anything- they don't. They just prefer food.

7. Do you have food? No? Then you are of no use to a cat. And even if you have food, they still neither like you or dislike you.

8. I know you like to think that cats have a rich inner life when you're not there. They don't. They just sleep or walk around.

9. When two cats meet, nothing magical happens. They just hate each other. And they certainly fucking hate magic.

10. No cat would ever read this post, because it isn't food.